Sitting down to write post number 2 was daunting at first, there were simultaneously too many things I could say and yet somehow I couldn't think of anything. But then it struck me that having to write regularly about magic, and spiritualism in such a concentrated way, even if only for a short period of is a really good discipline. I have a busy career and life, I would love to meditate and do magic for 2 hours every day. But I simply don't have time. I probably could manage 20 minutes of thinking and writing about magic everyday and I think that might lead somewhere amazing.
This is probably the best time to reflect on a strange thing that happened to me. Friday night I couldn't sleep at all - well at least that is how it felt. Entirely my own fault, I'd had caffeine past 9.00pm at night. Unfortunately when I can't sleep I get stressed and anxious, because I worry I am going to have a bad night and be tired in the morning. The worrying keeps me awake and becomes a hilarious, self-fulfilling prophecy. At some point half asleep and half awake I had this sudden and strong sensation. I could both hear and feel a wave crashing in my mind. I instinctively knew (though my own crazy, dream logic) that this wave was all my combined stresses, worries, fears and anxieties. Only an invisible barrier of my willpower was holding back the wave and stopping it from sweeping me away.
Now I have been an anxious, over-achiever for most of my life. I have battled against my worries and fears and the physical symptoms of stress and yet in one simple half dream was this incredibly moment of clarity where I was literally experiencing the tide of worries I hold in my subconscious and how my conscious mind is constantly struggling to avoid being overwhelmed by it. Great! Now I just have to work out how to try and sort it out, simple right?
You know, right before I do any work on this at all I am going to make a prediction. I would guess that the key to this lies somewhere in the phrase "go with the flow". My subconscious has a funny sense of irony like that.
Let's end with a picture of the White Hellebore in my garden because even a stressed out worry-wort like me needs to remember to take time to appreciate small beauties.
This is probably the best time to reflect on a strange thing that happened to me. Friday night I couldn't sleep at all - well at least that is how it felt. Entirely my own fault, I'd had caffeine past 9.00pm at night. Unfortunately when I can't sleep I get stressed and anxious, because I worry I am going to have a bad night and be tired in the morning. The worrying keeps me awake and becomes a hilarious, self-fulfilling prophecy. At some point half asleep and half awake I had this sudden and strong sensation. I could both hear and feel a wave crashing in my mind. I instinctively knew (though my own crazy, dream logic) that this wave was all my combined stresses, worries, fears and anxieties. Only an invisible barrier of my willpower was holding back the wave and stopping it from sweeping me away.
Now I have been an anxious, over-achiever for most of my life. I have battled against my worries and fears and the physical symptoms of stress and yet in one simple half dream was this incredibly moment of clarity where I was literally experiencing the tide of worries I hold in my subconscious and how my conscious mind is constantly struggling to avoid being overwhelmed by it. Great! Now I just have to work out how to try and sort it out, simple right?
You know, right before I do any work on this at all I am going to make a prediction. I would guess that the key to this lies somewhere in the phrase "go with the flow". My subconscious has a funny sense of irony like that.
Let's end with a picture of the White Hellebore in my garden because even a stressed out worry-wort like me needs to remember to take time to appreciate small beauties.
Antara
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