I knew a full-time job and a part-time Masters course was going to be tough. But the last couple of weeks have been particularly difficult. I was expecting to have to spend lots of my free time on the course, reading, writing assignments and attending teaching. But I wasn't expecting to lose quite so much of my creative energy. Up until a couple of weeks ago I was managing to writing posts for this site, do other bits and pieces of creative projects and manage work and the Masters. Then work got stressful, the Masters got difficult, I very quickly burnt out. All my reserves evaporated almost overnight, although if I am honest the creativity had been leaking out of me for a lot longer.
The extreme tiredness, inability to find joy in the usual places and realisation I had done nothing creative for ages would have made me very sad; if I hadn't been so worn out I didn't notice. That is definitely not a good frame of mind for Magick.
Why so confessional today, Antara?
Well...there is something important here. I am working towards a joined up life, and that means realising that spirituality and work and health are all parts of one whole Antara. They need to be in balance otherwise something has to give. But annoyingly when one area isn't working properly it can drag the other parts out of alignment as well. Especially work because it consumes so much more of my energy than the other aspects.
So I made a concerted effort to stop stressing about things, let some stuff fall off my "to worry about list". I managed a 30 minute meditation session and felt a little calmer. I reminded myself how much I love the Goddess Guidebook
and gave myself some permission and some space to take things a little easier. Today I began to see a little bit of creativity sneaking back into my life...and then I realised it was Midsummer. I am not quite ready to ride any Wild Donkeys at the moment but I am beginning to unfurl again.
So I am taking a gentle route back, working out what I *have* to do and what I really *want* to do. I am ignoring what I think I *should* do if it doesn't fall into one of the earlier categories. Quite an unusual approach for me.
Managing my life and my health are vital to practising magick and can be pretty hard work.
Oh, and have a magical Summer Solstice you lovely people!