I think my first mistake was a bit of lazy thinking, namely that if I wasn't feeling magickal I couldn't do magick/meditation etc. I *know* this isn't right but it is such a frighteningly easy trap to fall into and it took me a week to realise I was doing it. I show up to work when I don't feel like it, so I can do magick when I don't feel like it.
So what did I do?
I started meditating and reaching out to my patrons. At first this felt like I was pushing through a brick wall, but I kept breathing and letting my mind wander regardless. I find in these circumstances the best thing to do is not try and break through the wall - that just makes the wall more solid, just imagine yourself floating and formless. Don't try to solidify your thoughts. Let them gently bobble along, observe but don't engage them too much. For example if you find yourself thinking you're nearly out of milk then;
a) don't sit there worrying about the lack of milk and how you're sitting meditating instead of going shopping, and
b) don't sit there worrying that you are thinking about milk instead of meditating.
Instead try simply shrugging and thinking "ok milk - I'll get to that later" and let it go. I consider either options a or b above are engaging, the shrugging is allowing your thoughts to bobble along.
Eventually I slid through the wall and then I became very aware of how many elements of myself were out of alignment in that moment - my mind was in turmoil, my body was not being nourished or celebrated in the way it should be, I had stopped a couple of daily practices without really realising it and all added up to a sudden and powerful image.
I had the image of myself as an arrow, the different elements of physical body, mental discipline, openness to spirit etc. were all represented as jigsaw pieces that made up the arrow but which were all very slightly out of alignment so that the arrow was not in its intended shape. These little mis-alignments were all creating drag on the arrow so that it was fighting to travel forwards against the very air. In my vision I experimented with moving all the pieces into their perfect slots (something which I knew was a representation of eating really soulful food, doing lots of spiritual study, dressing myself in a way which truely reflects who I am and many other things) and just as I placed the last piece back into alignment the arrow sped off into the distance faster than I could track it with my mind's eye.
Obviously the last scene felt like a complete and obvious resolution. But it gave me a powerful lesson: there isn't one single thing to be done to get my mojo moving forward but there are lots of little things which will all add up to one great big mojo boost and when I really thought about it, it was very clear to me what those things were.
1. You don't need to feel magickal, you can do magick anyway and perhaps you need to in order to work out how to feel magickal again.
2. Check in with the personal arrow image from time to time, work out what is in alignment with your life path and goals and what is not.
I still don't feel perfect but now I have a plan on how to move towards greater alignment again, I got some pretty powerful messages that I was on the right track from my patron and my subconscious which was gratifying.
Now all the remains is to consider where the arrow is heading. This was a clear life path probably in accordance with some Crowley-esque idea of True Will or something. I don't yet know where the arrow was going...I'm still working on that.