I am going through an interesting time right now exploring the "unacceptable nature of women".  Over a year ago I attempted to read Emma Restall Orr's book "kissing the hag" on the "unacceptable nature of women" and was disappointed beyond measure.  If anything it seemed agree with some of the worst stereotypes about women and did nothing as far as I could see to embrace the unacceptable nature of women - a powerful phrase which the book did not do justice to. 

Earlier this year I managed to get a copy of Women Who Run With Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, this is a book about the true unacceptable nature of women and it is so deep and so inspiring I can only consume it in small bites so that I can really savour it, really absorb it.

Through the work I have been doing by myself and with my Ladies I have come back again to this concept of embracing the unacceptable.  I am still assimilating these lessons and I will no doubt come back to this again and again but the idea I am currently working with is simple...

Women have been allowed power on the condition that they abide by the boy's rules.  That we women are not "too emotional" and "don't cry or get upset", that we don't get too obviously old, hairy or plump, that we are not compassionate at the expense of business and a whole host of other things too numerous to mention.

Oh Really!

So I am bringing you on my journey into the unacceptable nature of women, my journey where I hope to embrace that nature and perhaps help other women embrace it to.  Because I don't think those rules work...no wait...because I don't feel those rules work!

Nothing encapsulates my current train of thinking more than these two videos.  Talking about the rage carried by women and the compassionate nature of us all which has been suppressed.

If you don't know about the TED talks then consider these your gateway drugs. 

This first one is a talk about the fierce nature of women by Chameli Ardagh and why that nature is breathtaking and amazing and to be used as a powerful force to change the world for the better.  The honest discussion of the nature of rage as experienced by Chameli is moving beyond belief.

Eve Ensler captured my heart with the Vagina Monologues many years ago.  I recently found this video and I cried with sadness and then I got to the poem at the end and I cried with joy as I realised it was not only ok to do those things, but something to be celebrated because "I am an emotional creature".

Please be aware of a trigger warning - this video contains descriptions of violence against women, and sexual violence against women, but if you can make it to the end you will find the poem that made me cry with joy!

Tune in for part two for a glorious celebration of Women's Creativity.

I am back from my holiday...it was fabulous and I am full of zip and zing to launch myself back into life, magick, work and creativity.

These last few weeks have been hectic as think I have mentioned, between the crunch of work and my Masters course had left me completely depleted.  Since the Summer began I have tried to slow my pace down, take care of myself a little better and to that end I have been consciously letting stress go, trying out Reiki and using Bach Flower Essences and lots of meditation and aromatherapy.  All good stuff - but I needed something more.

I needed to get out of the cavern and back into the light.

These things were simply relieving some of the pressure - what I really had my eye on was a relaxing holiday in Wales.  Which is where I was until Friday, deep in the heart of Snowdonia - a truly magical landscape.  From the first time I set foot in this part of the world I felt tremendously moved almost to tears by the power of the landscape.  In fact I find being nestled amongst the mountains and hills provides a perfect sense of retreat and that the peaks around me have distinct and tangible energetic personalities.  I used this time to completely relax and recharge with a mixture of vegging out in front of lots of DVDs, eating great food, soaking up amazing views and trying to breathe in a little of the energy around me to fill me up again. In fact I seemed to deliberately retreat back into myself for a few days, until I was utterly bored of it and ready to engage with the work again.  Of course being amongst such epic scenery helped a lot (despite the very soggy weather).

My creativity during this stressful period hasn't been affected (which has been part of the problem in a way).  But this week I have been able to enjoy a little writing at a more relaxed pace, knowing I have time for it.

So if you can plan for yourself a little retreat like this, even a couple of days, here are my three top tips for making it a success:

1. Head for nature - a city break just won't do it as you are aiming to remove yourself from the hustle and bustle of human civilisation.  The quieter pace of country life is better suited.

2. Switch off - mobile phones, email and all real time communications.  It will all still be there when you return.

3. Take with you those thing you haven't found time for but really want to indulge in; like an amazing but challenging book, a set of guided meditations, a new tarot deck or perhaps a yoga DVD you wanted to try out. You now have some space to play with them, but don't worry if you don't get round to it either, because when you return home it is likely you'll have a renewed enthusiasm and energy for them anyway.

So it has now been a week since my Reiki session and the most interesting thing has been happening.  I have noticed some definite changes since then and am convinced that this Reiki is still quietly working away.

Not only have I become more attuned to the ebb and flow of the energy in the universe but I am becoming calmer and more relaxed.  By degrees of course (I am still not exactly a poster child for a peaceful mind) but I am finding a more gentle rhythm. I have been using aromatherapy and flower essences to mindfully continue the transition to a calmer way of life and it is certainly helping.  In fact I feel I am getting closer and closer to being ready to start a really amazing healthy eating regime to support my spirit as well.

I have recently been increasing my use of essential oil and have noticed that my supplies are running a little low.  Low is comparative really since when I was an impoverished student 3 small 10 ml bottles was an incredible amount, now less than about 10 bottles and I worry I don’t have everything I need!

Increasing my use of essential oils has been in response to my ongoing battle with stress and that has driven me to try some new oils this time around.

So what did I buy?

Lavender is an old standby that I can’t believe I went without for so long.  Balancing, comforting, anti-bacterial the uses of lavender feel absolutely endless.

Rosemaryis something I used to use a few years ago but sort of fell off my radar for a while, now feels like an excellent time to get re-acquainted with it.  It is such a great oil for clarity and mental stimulation but it also feels very strengthening which is also something I could do with right now.

The next 3 are completely new to me.

Palma Rosa – I really wasn’t sure about the scent of this when I first smelled it.  I think I was expecting it to be very rose-like, because of the name (silly I know) and whilst is most certainly floral, it isn’t really “rosy”.  I am using it on my clothes today so that all day at work I am inhaling it, contemplating it and remembering to relax and breathe. Despite my initial reaction to the scent as the day goes on it does feel very calming, with some underlying complexities in the scent which are delightful.  All in all it is really growing on me and I am experiencing a sense of relative calm at work

Lemon – Not a great deal to say about the scent; it smells of lemon.  Gorgeous citrusy and sunshine in bottle. When I am ready to experience a gentle uplifting of my spirit then I know this oil will be perfect.  I have used Orange and Grapefruit successfully in the past and whilst they both have very different scents the effect is similar.  I bought Lemon this time around to add to my armoury of citrus delights.

 Roman Chamomile – All the books say this smells a bit like apples.  Well I really didn’t get that – maybe apple pie…at a push!  Only goes to show how differently we all experience the world we share.  The scent was familiar but I just couldn’t place it. I used a little of this last night in a new practice I am trying out – which is anointing and massaging my feet prior to entering a meditative state.  The scent of Roman Chamomile made me feel very homely - like I had some baking in the oven or something. 

Obviously the other reason for picking these oils was blending.  Most of them work well with the others and with the other oils I already have and I want to get back into making my own blends again.

On a final note, I am using this opportunity to branch out into a new way of experiencing aromatherapy.  In the many years I have been using it (as an amateur) I have been concentrating on the physical properties, and the way the scents made me feel.  I would like to start thinking more about the energetic vibration of the oils and how I could be using that aspect more consciously in my practice.

I tend to buy my oils from Starchild who are very knowledgeable, fast and reliable (and have the most beautiful little shop in Glastonbury if you ever get to visit).

This post might be controversial.  Because I have always believed that Magick is not a substitute for hard work and taking responsibility, and some Pagans might not like that idea!

The Magickal 5 Step Plan.

1.  Work out what is it you really want your life to look like. I mean really, truly and deeply examine your motivations.  Do you want to change your job because you truly desire to be a Circus Performer or do you want to change your job because you are being bullied by your boss?  Because your true motivation makes a big difference to how you plan to make your change.  If this part of the process gets uncomfortable then that is a sign that you really, really need to do it!

2. Start immersing yourself in the culture of that new life, read books, hang out on web forums with like-minded people, make new friends who are living that life, listen to podcasts, watch TV shows, learn the jargon and imagine how you fit in with that.  This step is vital to expanding your horizons of what you think is possible and achievable. By spending time with people who are doing it then you will begin to believe you can do it too (and you probably can!). 

3. Surround yourself with a core group of people who believe in you and believe in your change.  You will have enough of your own doubts to cope with, without taking on the doubts of others. That support network will help you to build on the work in steps 1 and 2 and get you through dark days when nothing seems to be changing, or perhaps it is changing and that frightens you.

4. Take active steps to manifest your new life.  I am not suggesting quitting your job in the hope of attracting the job you want.  More that if you want to be a Banker, you need to starting making applications to Banks; if you want to be a writer, you need to be writing; if you want to find love, you need to contact and meet people.  When I was 17 I applied to the most prestigious university in the UK.  Several people told me to expect disappointment and to each person I replied "The only way to guarantee failure is if I don't even try". The thing is this is a scary step and some people find more comfort in staying where they are than risking failure.  Sitting on the sofa and dreaming about travelling the world involves no risk...and it takes you nowhere.  You might fail, the first, second or even third time, but what if you could have succeeded.  I surprised everyone by getting a place at that university, and if I hadn't, I could have applied again.

5. Do your Magick ritual and make sure it is a good one!

"Hey Antara, this is a cheat.  You aren't really telling us how to use Magick to change our lives.  Only point 5 is about *Magick* and that isn't helpful."

Oh really?

Magick runs through our whole lives and no amount of spells or rituals or hand waving will change your life if you don't put the groundwork in.  In this blog there are already some technical tips on doing Magick rituals that work and there will be more.  But none of that means anything if you don't follow steps 1-4 above.  If you aren't ready for change then nothing will change your life for you.  Magick isn't something we keep in a special sandalwood box and get out once a month, it is a part of everything you are.  Being effective in life and being great at Magick are simply two sides of the same coin. 

Magick is damn hard work and requires discipline, courage and effort.  If you aren't putting discipline, courage and effort into the rest of your life then you won't have it for Magick.

In my little aromatherapy series I thought I would start with Peppermint rather than the ubiquitous Lavender or Tea Tree.  Peppermint is a sorely overlooked essential oil, perhaps because it is so strong it will overpower most blends you would care to make with it.  But I find it one of the most invaluable oils for getting me those really tough days.

It has a clean, sweet and minty scent which can feel a little like being beaten round the head with a tube of toothpaste – but there is nothing which is more powerful for waking me up, focusing my mind and energising me.  With my love of all things citrus you would like I would be reaching for the grapefruit and orange scents but neither of them compare to the intense sensations I get from peppermint.  There are two situations I find it most useful – firstly the mid-afternoon slump at work and secondly exercising when I don’t feel like it.  But recently I was diagnosed with a nasty little dust allergy and some days the only time it doesn't hurt to breath is when I am inhaling Peppermint, the cooling menthol really soothes all my sore parts.

Magically speaking I probably wouldn't use Peppermint as it leaves me too awake, too present and too strongly grounded for my preferred mental ritual state.  But if you ever need a boost of something to get you through a rough day - reach for the Peppermint!

I was reading the first issue of the Gaian Times, I know the work of the people running it and was also wondering if I could pitch an article to them.

Then I stumbled across this fabulous article on magic and psychology (a pet subject of mine if you know me!)  I have never seen such a good articulation of some of my views and would recommend it to everyone who practices magic!

Yesterday I was privileged enough to go to a Heathen Wedding.  I have never been lucky enough to go to a handfasting of any type beforehand and this was a very special and magical experience.  It was a deeply moving ceremony well attended by Pagans and non-pagans alike. I enjoyed every moment of it but it led to the inevitable question from my non-pagan friends:

"So, what is a Pagan then?"

A question which seems to become increasingly hard to answer.  Once upon a time it was enough to refer vaguely to some sort of polytheistic nature-based faith path, but not even that broad description seems accurate these days. The alternative is to describe Paganism in terms of what is *not*, www.dictionary.com, not Christianity, Islam or Judaism; but defining something as important as a religion in terms of what it is *not* seems negative and unhelpful.  Apples are not Bananas, Oranges or Pears but that doesn't help you you understand what Apples are.

As this question rattled around over the weekend I found myself trying to formulate a better answer and came up with this:

"Paganism is a common language for people who share similar magickal, spiritual paths to communicate with each other and form communities ."

A work in progress admittedly, but I do think we need something more up to date these days.

My view on "labels" and their place in modern Paganism is better left for a blog post all on it's own... but as a teaser - I don't think they are as terrible as everyone else seems to?

I have adored aromatherapy for 16 years.  When I was a teenager I bought several amazing tomes on aromatherapy and devoured them.  In later years I did less compulsive reading but by then I had already established a set of habits and routines and even when I was an impoverished student I always had essential oils in my life (from Birthday and Christmas presents mostly).

I use them for:

Magick, Chakra work, Mediation
Stress-management and relief
Sleeping
Concentration and Focus
Exercise
Anti-bacterial purposes
Various ailments

There are probably a million and one other ways I could be using them on top of those.

But I wanted to write a quick introductory post because I will likely be coming back to this theme again and again.  Scent can be a vital and deeply pleasurable part of ritual work and essential oils can induce a far larger range of moods and associations than other options such as incense.  They can also be a discreet way of practising low-key magick in the workplace or other areas of life where you do not want or need to draw a huge amount of attention to your practise.

A few words of warning which are oft repeated in the various books:

1. Check the contraindications before you use the oils - some should be avoided by pregnant women, people with allergies or will irritate the skin if applied directly.
2. Don't use them internally.
3. Always check you are buying "pure essential oil" (a good way to tell is price - if they seem so cheap it is too good to be true - they are probably not pure). 

My top aromatherapy books for inspiration and information are:

The Fragrant Pharmacy by Valerie Ann Worwood
The Encyclopedia of Essential Oils by Julia Lawless
Culpeper's Herbal

So dive right in to a wonderful, scented second half of the year!

I knew a full-time job and a part-time Masters course was going to be tough.  But the last couple of weeks have been particularly difficult.  I was expecting to have to spend lots of my free time on the course, reading, writing assignments and attending teaching.  But I wasn't expecting to lose quite so much of my creative energy.  Up until a couple of weeks ago I was managing to writing posts for this site, do other bits and pieces of creative projects and manage work and the Masters. Then work got stressful, the Masters got difficult, I very quickly burnt out.  All my reserves evaporated almost overnight, although if I am honest the creativity had been leaking out of me for a lot longer.

The extreme tiredness, inability to find joy in the usual places and realisation I had done nothing creative for ages would have made me very sad; if I hadn't been so worn out I didn't notice. That is definitely not a good frame of mind for Magick.

Why so confessional today, Antara?

Well...there is something important here. I am working towards a joined up life, and that means realising that spirituality and work and health are all parts of one whole Antara.  They need to be in balance otherwise something has to give.  But annoyingly when one area isn't working properly it can drag the other parts out of alignment as well. Especially work because it consumes so much more of my energy than the other aspects.

So I made a concerted effort to stop stressing about things, let some stuff fall off my "to worry about list". I managed a 30 minute meditation session and felt a little calmer.  I reminded myself how much I love the Goddess Guidebook and gave myself some permission and some space to take things a little easier. Today I began to see a little bit of creativity sneaking back into my life...and then I realised it was Midsummer.  I am not quite ready to ride any Wild Donkeys at the moment but I am beginning to unfurl again.

So I am taking a gentle route back, working out what I *have* to do and what I really *want* to do.  I am ignoring what I think I *should* do if it doesn't fall into one of the earlier categories.   Quite an  unusual approach for me.

Managing my life and my health are vital to practising magick and can be pretty hard work.

Oh, and have a magical Summer Solstice you lovely people!